I&T News has a new columnist, one of Sydney’s biggest investors and wheeler-dealers, who goes by the nom de plum, Castlereagh.

Since I enjoyed the sausage rolls and donuts at the ASFA bash last week I have been inundated with calls from corporates all over the CBD, all of them seeking my approval for their catering menus.

My friends at State Street, for example, are promising me that their catering on Tuesday evening will far surpass the sausage rolls and donuts, while even my more down to earth mates at the Club Plus super fund say that I’m in for a surprise on Friday night, when we all get down to play lawn bowls with the larger than life CEO Paul Cahill.

But apart from those two, anxious corporates have been approaching me to give my tick of approval for their menus. Smoked salmon is out, I tell them, as are vol au vents stuffed with creamy asparagus, a throwback to the Margaret Fulton era. Bring me the mini wagyu burgers and wasabi oyster shots, I say!

It’s given me a bit of business idea: Castlereagh Accreditation for corporate entertainment functions. I personally would never go to an event which was not Castlereagh Accredited, and neither should any of you! So with two weeks to go before Christmas it’s time for corporates to lift their game, or else risk being shamed on this website!

It is a fun time of the year though, isn’t it? I stole the nerf gun from the Citi stand at ASFA and have been shooting people all week. The city has been full of people in fancy costumes and I got those guys dressed up as members of Kiss a real beauty. If you got shot, you know who Castlereagh is.

The only problem I’ve had is that people keep ringing me and wanting things all the time. I had Gina on the phone wanting me to pump some more money into that accursed Channel Ten. What a dog that one has proved to be. Who would ever have guessed that people could watch the Simpsons as easily on their laptops as they could on Free to Air.

My other issue has been the annual Kris Kringle curse. I’ve been paired with some drone from the legal department I hardly know, and am completely out of ideas as to what to get. I used to head straight to the Tool Shed at Darlinghurst for all my Kris Kringle presents but it fell flat a few years ago and I just fended off a legal suit for harassment. So never again.

But I have found a brilliant website (thisiswhyimbroke.com) with a host of potential ideas, from a beer bottle chandelier to a mini fire extinguisher lighter to a radio controlled flying shark. They are even advertising pyjamas that look like a business suit! The only problem is I’ve left it too late for anything to arrive in time for the party, so I’m still stuck with nothing.

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